The real reason why women guard their kitchens

I'm not the greatest cook in the world, and today the larger percentage of men are still inferior to women at tossing a salad or in their knowledge of nutriwhip vs whipping cream vs creme fraiche. To be good in the kitchen you have to spend a lot of time there, and that can be difficult. Not necesarilly because our hands are full of car grease, or we drink out of the carton, but because women often kick our asses out of the kitchen. Now isn't it strange that when a man actually takes a curiosity or interest in cooking, be it a nice al dente linguini with five cheese rosée sauce, or pancakes with gourmet grill cheese, women get restless and say things like "there's no place for a man in the kitchen!" Hmmm.. and you'd think they'd be delighted that were taking the initiative to step away from such male archtype behaviour like "I operate the BBQ and pass through the kitchen to get my SUPER BOWL". I have spent some time observing and contemplating the many peculiar ways of the woman and I've discovered that being scared we will contaminate their kitchen accounts for only 1% of why they keep us out. The truth is the kitchen is their power source, it's the belt that holds up the pants of the house! So why do women proclaim they love a man who cooks when they kick us out of the kitchen? Because they are confused? What do women do with these men that cook? Your guess is as good as mine, but I think they eat them. They brush up to them, ask them out on a date, then the next day these men go missing so that this alien race disguised as women can continue to secretly dominate the earth.